remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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