I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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