i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Plan B is the new Plan A
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
