I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
