There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
