I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
