I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
