What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
