While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
