I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
