just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were destined to go to rehab together
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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