You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
