How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
