but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
