I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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