I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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