I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
