Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
