I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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