Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
