There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
