He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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