is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
