Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
