Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
