New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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