if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
