I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
