new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
