i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
