No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
