Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
