i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
