Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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