i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
