I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's the barista slut.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
