I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
