i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
