the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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