maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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