Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
