I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
