So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is wine microwaveable?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
