I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
