hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
