I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
