im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
