Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
