We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
