i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
