i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
