i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We are all done wearing pants today
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
