It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
