I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
