The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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