I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
