The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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