I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
