just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
