I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
