These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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