Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
