It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
