He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
