Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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