wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize