Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Shame - the story of my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
