I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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