chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
