i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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