Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
