twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this will be a night to untag.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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