so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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