I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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